dare to dream?

When I was young I dreamt a lot. I dreamt of living in the forest, inside hollow trees, like a fairy. I dreamt of driving my daddy's fast antique cars. I dreamt of designing my own home with a tower that had a view of the sunrise and the sunset. I dreamt of being brave. I dreamt of being liked by my peers.  I dreamt of learning how to make anything just like my dad. I dreamt of being talented like my mom. I dreamt of living by the ocean. I dreamt of being pretty. I dreamt of floating across the land in a hot air balloon. I dreamt of being an artist. I dreamt of rocking my small child to sleep. I dreamt of finding love. I dreamt of seeing far away lands. I dreamt of being able to write, sing, and dance with confidence. I dreamt of being passionate in all that I do. I dreamt of safe places to dream. 

I feel an immense gratitude that many of my dreams have unfolded and brought me on a journey far better than I ever could have imagined. I wake each morning knowing that I will spend many hours of the day doing what I love. I am loved by two fantastic kids, who unknowingly teach me how to be a better person. I have my tribe of friends, family, and creatives souls that bring me up and inspire me. Yet, I still have dreams. 

So many dreams. Some just fleeting thoughts. Some became distant memories, for I was told they were unrealistic due to lack of time, money, or priorities. I was told perhaps someday.... someday, when does someday ever really happen? 

For as long as I can remember, I have dreamed of traveling to far away lands. Then in college, the far away lands became the lands were the masters lived. I dreamed of seeing the incredible paintings, architecture, and sculpture created by the masters. To see even a small portion of the art from the history books would be amazing. What would it be like to walk the same streets, see the same sites, be inspired by and connected to artists from the past? Can you imagine!? Top of the list, Paris! I dreamt of traveling there right out of college with a group of artists. However, other life priorities came about and the dream of traveling to Paris was just another distant memory. Until a year ago. I met a artist who was planning on going to France, she invited me to go with her. I recall thinking at the time she was just dreaming, yet I was very excited at the thought of the dream. As the months passed, she continued to refresh the excitement. Could "someday" actually be a reality? There were so many naysayer thoughts jumping around in my head... "Is this even something I should consider? What about the time away? What about the money? Who is going to watch the kids? You are going to get lost in that big old city. What makes you think you deserve this?" Oh, so many critics giving reasons why I shouldn't do this... but, the door was open, I didn't want to walk away from it this time, so I took a deep breath and a leap of faith!! 

In one month, I will be fulfilling a lifelong dream!!! In doing so, the world has been opening up in ways I never imagined. I am so excited to share all this with you!! Stay tuned!!

: My question to you.... What is YOUR life long dream? Dig deep, it is there, still whispering to you. Do you dare still dream about it? Is it in the category of "someday"? What steps can you do to bring it out of "someday" and into reality? :

Tell me, my secret soul.

It has been a rough year of keeping up with my blog posts. I have sat down many times to write, but couldn't do it. I was having just as much trouble putting pen/brush to paper. I was overwhelmed, feeling raw, and much MUCH too vulnerable. I needed to process, alone. The flood gates are opening now, and finally I feel safe enough to share my stories with all of you. Before I begin, I want to thank all those that have encouraged me to be brave with my work here, to have the courage to be real, raw, and vulnerable. Courage to listen and follow my path, my true path. I have been asked many times over the past few years how is it that I am so comfortable with sharing my personal work. It is not easy. It is damn hard to push the "post" or "publish" button. Even as I write this, everything below has already been written, and all I needed was to hit the "button". I paused. I questioned. I felt the knot growing in my stomach. I heard the voice from childhood, "Don't ever share too much about yourself! They don't need to know!" I shared this recently on FaceBook, "Though it may not seem like a big deal for me to share my vulnerabilities with others, it never ceases to be incredibly difficult. But it is through letting go of this fear that connections happen not only with others but with myself." The response I received in return was beautiful. "Lisa, its a HUGE deal that you share your vulnerabilities, even though it is difficult. You teach me, and I'm sure many others, with your actions. You show that by facing our fears of exposure comes strength. Strength through vulnerability. The real damage to ourselves, our souls is not through what others do when we show vulnerability, but rather the damage comes when we allow fear to keep vulnerabilities hidden. Thank you for sharing your beautiful work, and your beautiful heart." Thank you, Mary Shilpp for these kind words!

It began with a quiet whisper on an intensely personal and painful journal page about my surgery, one year ago today. I didn't understand the significance of these words as my body struggled to heal over the following 8 months, yet the words called to me then, needing to be brought forth. The whispering message is clear now. Very clear, and yet difficult even now to open my heart and mind to the message when I need it the most. Learning to trust that She is always honest with me. Always.

The original blogpost can be seen here

I didn't realize at the time I worked on the above journal page that my worst fears weren't irrational. They in fact would become my reality for the next year. My body was broken, it wasn't healing, it was scaring up more and more each day, and the treatments offered to me where only going to cause more scaring and pain. I had never heard of the term Adhesions, though a lot of people have them and most never even know it, my body apparently creates thick rope-like adhesions... as a way of protecting itself. Rather than choosing surgery, I was referred to a Physical Therapist by a trusted and dear friend. For three months, Matt, my Physical Therapist, worked on my abdomen 3 days a week. The other two days I met with my Counselor/Therapist, whom I began seeing as a way to deal with the end of my 16 year marriage (this will be for another post in the near future). Matt was able to stretch and slowly ease the adhesions apart. But this was only a small part of the healing. Between he working on muscle memory release and my therapist working using EMDR Therapy to release a life time of emotional scars, I was given the most profound gift of my life. The gift of being present in my body. Fully present. Fully aware. Once that happened, the flood gates opened.

I finally understood the quiet whisper on my Journal page. 

"Tell me, my secret soul."

What I once perceived as a Road Block, was in fact precisely what I needed to grow, heal, and put me on my path. I am not sprinting as I thought I might, but rather going at a pace that I can be present in my life. Learning to enjoy the journey.


"Am I Broken?" Yes, indeed I was. Today, right now, I feel more healed than I ever have. More alive. More whole. The road towards finding my physical and inner strength has begun.

My secret Soul has brought forth many truths. Truths about my reality and my journey. Perceived realities that my mind and body filtered, twisted, and projected to suite my desires and fears. I am learning to listen to her now. Some may call it intuition, others their gut-feeling, still others the quiet voice, I prefer "my true-self".

"Adhesions and Healing"
mixed media in my Visual Journal

The taped in page is supposed to look like the fascia tissue that my rope-like adhesions formed in, then grew to attach to surrounding organs and muscles. 

underneath the Fascia tissue and adhesions

I kept a visual "diary" of my external healing...I was told I would heal from the inside out. They were wrong.

Gallery Source 9th Annual Juried Show

In my creative goals for the year I indicated that I wanted to apply to some art shows. Back in May I got the courage up and applied to the local Art Source Gallery 9th Annual Juried Show. There were 216 submissions and only 55 were chosen. I am thrilled and honored to be one of the chosen few.

Next month  two of my Solar Prints "the Protectors" and "all that is left" will be in another show. Exciting times for this graphic designer with a fine artist heart.

Studio Open for the weekend.

2010 Creative Goals: Apply to BOSCO: CHECK
I had an amazingly good week last week. The long awaited Boise Open Studios event finally arrived.
To kick off the event we had a reception and showing of all the participating artist's recent work.

I was thrilled to be in a show with my painting mentor from college, John Killmaster. He taught me so much about painting and seeing the world around me with a new set of eyes.

Dave and I worked very hard trying to get the yard whipped into shape to welcome all our visitors, and my studio needed some sprucing up just to physically allow folks to wonder in and sit a spell. Since my studio is so small we thought it best to set up a refreshment table outside.

Overall, the weekend was tremendous fun. I saw many good friends and met many future friends. The flow through the studio was steady and we only had about a 20min lull on Saturday. And I even sold some artwork! I am looking forward to opening my studio again the first weekend in October. I hope to see many more people that weren't able to make it out this weekend. Thank you ALL who came to the reception and/or to visit my studio. I'm hoping that by Oct. my studio will have doubled in size! I need to make a new home for my 30" wide etching press and small letterpress!

 Currently, my press is living with it's makers....my father and brother in Idaho Falls. Soon it will move to it's new home in Boise!

Boise Open Studios

About 8 years ago my dear friend, Josie, invited me to attend an art event around Boise. It was called Boise Open Studios, which I had never heard of. In a nut shell local artists opened their studios to the public for a weekend. All were welcome to meet the artists, we were able to talk to them about their work, see their studios and stay as long as we wished. Afterward, we pulled out our map, found the next studio, and moved onto the next location. It was an adventure. An inspiring adventure. One that stayed with me for many years. At the time I thought to myself that I someday wanted to have a studio that people could come visit and hang out at. This was a secret longing I've had since that very first weekend so many years ago.

Last year I toyed with the idea of applying to become a BOSCO member. However, when I saw that I had to submit and artist statement, artist resume, 10 samples of my current work, and then be juried on top of it,  I chocked. For 15 years I have been a graphic designer and have a nice resume to show for it. But THAT is not what is required for an artist resume, and WHAT could I possibly say about my "art" ... I was feeling very inadequate as a "fine artist" to say the least. So I procrastinated long enough that it was impossible to even try to apply. 

In January of this year, I included "apply to BOSCO" as one of my artist goals. So, since I wrote it down for all to see as a tool to get over my irrational fears.... I applied. To my sincere amazement I was juried in as a member. This next weekend will be the first open studio my little "studio" will experience. I am thrilled!! Though running on vapors trying to get ready for it, I'm still absolutely thrilled to see this private goal finally happen.

Any and all that are in the Boise area, please stop by June 5-6, 12noon-6pm. Visit boiseopenstudios.com for detailed maps of all the studio locations.

2010 Creative Goals

Over the years I have jotted down my creative goals, yet never included them into my journal... curious... This year I gave them the front page hopefully to keep me focused. I've also heard that if you have a goal, share it with others and you are more likely to accomplish what your heart desires. So here goes:


* Deal with my Inner Critic and Fears of Failure *

Production:
• create a hand bound journal for 2010 (check)
• bind 1-2 sketch books a month to sell
• schedule one afternoon a week to paint w/oils (Wednesday)
• complete one "Rusties" painting a month
• complete at least 3 pages a week in my visual journal (if I accomplish this then my 2010 journal will be filled by the end of October)

Creativity:
• visit and draw in a new location each month
• start a new SketchCrawl group in Boise, participate at each international SketchCrawl
• travel to Seattle and spend a day visiting the museum & marketplace sketching as much as possible
• visit a new art gallery
• visit a new museum
• try painting plein air again
• continue learning new printing techniques, make room for my own press
• sketch my neighborhood

Business/Networking:
• get my blog on-line and keep it up to date (check)
• design my website that shows all my work ~ graphic design, illustration, visual journals
• start an etsy site
• apply for BOSCO
• apply for teaching at Journalfest (check)
• apply to Art Journaling Magazine
• Attend more local art events / AIGA events

So there it is... out in the open... seems a bit ambitious, but very exciting.